From: Jean
Date: 5/18/01
Time: 10:23:47 AM
When I say game, it is a psycological term. Hoplessness is exactly where the woman is. she believes that she is not OK nor is the man OK. If no one is OK then she is hopeless. Now there are some situations that are hopeless. She literally cannot get out of the situation unless someone steps in, and if no one does it is hopeless. Now you and I can see that it is the man's fault, but the woman does not see this the same way. She sees it as her fault. She did not try hard enought, or she let the dinner get cold, etc.
The woman who goes to the abuse center the first or second time he hits her. Then takes all their help and gets the divorce and gets away from him, never to go back is not the type that I am talking about. I am talking about the one who goes back to him over and over. In her subconcious she does not feel she deserves better. This is her position in life. And it takes a lot of hard work to get her out of it, if it can be done. Somethimes like an alcoholic she has to hit rock bottom. Getting beat up and in the hospital for a while or seeing her kids getting beat. I literally saw a woman who had her jaw broken look up at the guy who a few hours before had beat her to a pulp, and eke out the word, I"m sorry. He forgave her and I wanted to hit her in the other jaw.
At this point she had gone to a different place of I'm OK if, and you are OK. This was very stupid from anyone watching this, but it actually was getting her out of hoplessness. She was OK as long as she could please him enought not to get beat.
The one thing in psycological games is that you have to realize that it is completely sub concious. If you are conciousous of what you are doing them it is not a game. Treatment is to get the subconcious motivation into concious awareness.
Look at Christian Rycart, now he was co dependent with Faye. He was in denial about what she was doing. He was putting a roff over Fayes head and taking care of her child, while she was spending most of her time at Nicoles and going out with men and drugging.
Ron, Chrisitan and OJ were bein psycologically battered by the women. Instead of telling them get out, they let them go on and on. They were verbally beating them up all the time. OJ was right they were being battered. All these people were using each other both subconciously and conciously.